“Sir, it is with great humility that an insignificant example of the species homo sapien, a fluke of nature, such as I doth approach an omnipotent majesty, an exalted guardian of democracy, a sagacious seer such as thou, with this matter of minor magnitude. I am but flotsam on the seedy sea of disrepute, but I must speak ere courage desert me, for I must fill my miserly quota for one week and seven days make one week, sire.”
That was my required approach to get weekly signatures from 5 cadet officers and 10 cadets of enlisted rank who were members of Arnold Air Society (an Air Force ROTC military honor fraternity that I wished to join). That meant I memorized and recited, on one breath, that stupid approach speech about 75 times in a 5-day school week.
For 58 years now, it has made a home in my memory. I think I did forget a few words.
Yay.
Question: How’s the cow?
Answer: “Sir, she walks. She talks. She’s full of chalk. The lacteal fluid extracted from the female of the bovine species is highly prolific to the nth degree, sir.”
Question: What’s leather?
Answer: “Sir, if the fresh skin of an animal is cleaned and divested of all hair, fat and other extraneous matter and then immersed in a dilute solution of tannic acid, a chemical combination ensues. The gelatinous tissue of the skin forms a non putrescible substance, impervious to and insoluble in water. That, sir, is leather.”
Again, I may have missed a few words, but those responses (required whenever I was asked by a cadet member) have stayed in my head for 58 years.
How’d I do, Adolf?
My dear friend, who rattled off those stupid responses with me when we pledged for Arnold Air Society together in 1958. Our lasting friendship epitomizes the “cliche” that going through stressful processes together creates strong bonds. Like all cliches, it ain’t always true. I had many close colleagues in Air Force Survival Training and in my Tan Son Nhut year, with whom I withstood lotsa stress. But somehow, I didn’t stay in a close friendship with many of them.
Life is full of contradictions. Generalities usually don’t stand up to challenges.
Enuf
