Henny Youngman was the king of one-liners.  A good one-liner delivers the setup and punchline in just a few words, leaving a lasting impression.  Here are a few of my favorite one-liners that had a lasting impression.  I bet y’all have some you could share.

1. “Scooler, if you ever have to bail out, you better hope you got somebody wid you that knows how to do sumpin, or you’re gonna die.”
   This was my survival instructor after helping me set up my tent before our 8-day trek in the Nevada back country. BTW. I completed it just fine and thank God, I never needed to bail out.
2. “If you sign up for for that course, you’ll learn a lot about Air Force. Stay with it four years, you’ll be commissioned as an Air Force lieutenant when you graduate.”
   This was my best friend Oleh persuading me to sign up for AFROTC.
   We both signed up. He dropped it after a few weeks. I stayed in, was commissioned and served 30 years in the Air Force.
3. “I’ve taken a few things. After all, you have everything else.”
   This was my brother after he ransacked my apartment. After our mother’s funeral. He stole, among other things, my mom’s wedding rings. I got them back after threatening to have him arrested and extradited to Charleston for grand larceny.
4. “Well, you’re having one.”
   The ER doctor in Sep 2000 telling me I was having a heart attack. The LAD artery (nicknamed “the widow maker”) was totally blocked. It was the first time Dr Rieder saved my life.
5. “This may sting a little bit.”
   The lie they tell you before sticking a probe needle into you to check out and repair your heart, without ripping open your chest. I’ve had it three times. I’m still here to tell about it.
6. “If you follow my prescribed treatment of chemo and radiation therapy, you have a 30% chance of recurrence. Do nothing it’s 70%.”
   Wow. That was my oncologist telling me I had colon cancer, after a good bit of my colon was surgically removed to get cancer out. Let’s see. If the weather guy says 30 percent chance of showers you probably won’t get wet. If they say 70 %, wear your raincoat.
7. “I’m here!”
   What the male night nurse at Roper said outside my bathroom door when I was in severe (level 9 pain). And cried out the Lord’s name, some might say in vain. I called it a crude prayer.
8. “We’re here!”
   What the conductor said when he was supposed to wake us an hour before we arrived…and forgot.  We got dressed, grabbed our stuff, and got off that train right before it left for Savannah.  You can imagine how great we looked.

Enuf