A cryptic title? Maybe. But it’ll come clear at the end of this story, which, I promise will come soon. Stop cheering. I also promise not to encroach upon the TMI boundary, which could occur when one expounds on a medical issue.

About a month ago, I had a routine appointment with my urologist. I usually see his PA. I rarely see Dr Donaldson, my urologist and friend for over 20 years. Surprisingly, he saw me at my last appointment. Uh oh, why is the “big guy” seeing me. Sump’n wrong?
After some friendly chatting, he noted that I hadn’t had a PSA test in a long time. That’s a preliminary test for possible prostate cancer. (Uh oh TMI alert). He ordered one for me. I agreed to have one before my next appointment which is next week.

Then my paranoia took hold. Why did he want that? Does he think I have cancer? Just a tad of history for clarification. A PSA reading higher than 4.0 is considered too high and carries a risk of cancer.
Several years ago, I routinely had readings of 4 or 5. Further testing found I didn’t have prostate cancer at that time.
After a potload of chemo and radiation to get rid of colon cancer, my PSA readings were less than 1. Yay. Neither colon cancer or prostate cancer was gonna kill me. Not right away at least.

Soo. Urologist and I then had agreed I didn’t need PSA tests regularly. So why now, I wondered? Reluctantly, and with great trepidation, (fancy way to say I was scared shitless) I had a PSA test 2 days ago. For some reason I thought for sure it was gonna be 6 or higher. I gave much thought to the question, “What would I do at age 85 with a pacemaker/defibrillator and other devices, if I was diagnosed with prostate cancer? Surgery, chemo, radiation, or nothing?
The same day I took the test, I got an e mail that I had a new test result on Roper My Chart. Oh s—t.
Opening that test result was more stressful to me than opening any response to an employment application I made in my long life careers.
I swallowed hard, opened the Roper My Chart account on my computer and stumbled through a few steps to pull up the PSA test result of earlier that same day.
It was “Point 4”. Not 4 point 0. Still less than 1. I will not die of prostate cancer.
My heart, bladder, kidney, colon, or a car, truck, gunshot, or my angry wife will have to see to that in about 30 years, I hope. Enuf